5'9. 18 years old. Not at all comfortable posting my CW, even here on this anonymous blog. :(

I gave up so many things because of ana including happiness. I lost so many friends, I had to give up wonderful opportunities, I missed so much school. And what do I have to show for it... nothing. I reached an "acceptable weight" after many hospital treatments but then, these past two years have been filled with depression and binging. I am fat now and no, that's not just the ED talking. At least when I was at my lowest, I had SOME confidence. I feel worthless now. I actually have to shut my eyes when I pass a full length mirror or window. I want to regain some sort of control. I wish I had the power to do so in a healthy manner. I'm not "pro-ana/mia" or whatever you want to call it. Eating disorders ruin lives. Unfortunately, I feel like I've already ruined my own.

This is not my main blog and I do have a progress blog but I'm also not comfortable sharing that yet.

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40689) That first bite of the day is the worst. I know I’ll start a crazy binge after I take that one damn bite.
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    and it scares me because i can’t stop.
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